Improve your ability to speak English
At the Customs
Customs Officer: Good morning. Can I see your passport?
Clark: Certainly. Here it is.
C. O.: Yes, that's all right. Have you got anything to declare?
Clark: Yes, I have. I've got some whisky and some cigarettes.
C. O.: How much whisky have you got?
Clark: A litre.
C.O: That's all right. And how many cigarettes have you got?
Clark: Two hundred.
C.O.: Fine. What about perfume?
Clark: Er…No, I haven't.
C.O.: Good. Open your case, please.
C.O.: Open your case, please. Open it now! Oh, dear! Look at this! You've got three bottles of whisky, four hundred cigarettes and a lot of perfume!
Clark: Does that mean I can't go?
A New Baby
Mr Palmer: Well, hello, Mr Wallace. You seem unusually happy today.
Mr Wallace: I just became a father!
Mr Palmer: Congratulations. A boy or a girl?
Mr Wallace: You never saw such a cute girl. Nine pounds, three ounces…and as cute as a button.
Mr Palmer: Doesn't this call for cigars?
Mr Wallace: Oh, yes. I forgot about the cigars. Here, have one.
Mr Palmer: Thank you. How is your wife?
Mr Wallace: She's just fine.
Is English Difficult?
Nancy: Where are you going?
Maggie: To Canada.
Nancy: Why are you going there?
Maggie: I'm going to learn English; there is a school there that has an excellent program.
Nancy: Is learning English going to be difficult?
Maggie: Yes. I have to study and practice a lot.
Nancy: Where is your school?
Maggie: It's in a town called St.Catharines. In Ontario.
Nancy: I'm jealous, I'll bet you're excited.
Maggie: Yes, but I'm also really nervous.
Washing His Car
Debbie: Where's Kevin?
Tania: He's in front of the house.
Debbie: What is he doing?
Tania: Washing his car.
Debbie: Not again?
Tania: Yes, he takes good care of his car.
Debbie: But he never cleans his room.
Tania: I know. It's always dirty.
Debbie: And nothing is in order.
Tania: You're right. His room is a mess.
Debbie: Maybe he should move into his car!
At the Restaurant
Jamie: This is a big menu.
Katy: Yeah, what are you getting?
Jamie: Chicken, peas, and baked potatoes.
Katy: I don't know what to get.
Jamie: They have very good turkey.
Katy: I had turkey yesterday.
Jamie: How about steak?
Katy: Perfect. I'll get steak and mashed potatoes.
Jamie: What vegetable are you getting?
Katy: I'm not getting any. I don't like vegetables.